


I Got Trouble

by stylesforstiles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Club Owner Nick, Fluff, M/M, Stripper Liam, Stripper Louis, Stripper Zayn, Vet Assistant Harry, Waiter Niall, its all pretty ridic, side smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-14 03:01:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylesforstiles/pseuds/stylesforstiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Strip Club AU! Loosely based on Magic Mike because this desperately needed to be a thing. </p><p>Louis and Zayn recruit Liam for Nick's popular strip club, where Niall pops champagne, and Harry is the shy friend of Liam who really loves animals and Louis needs a piece of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know anymore...come find me on tumblr if you'd like to chat! xoxo

They walked into the club, bumping fists with the door guy and made their way over to their usual perch that overlooked the dance floor. They both ignored the stares and whispers as they prowled through the club…let’s face it, they were used to it by now. They had figured out long ago how obscene they looked together and of course used it to their advantage – Zayn with his broody lips, hypnotic caramel eyes and perfectly crafted hair was the perfect complement to Louis’ icy stare, yards of golden skin and expertly messed up ‘I just got fucked hair’. The scatterings of tattoos all over their bodies didn’t hurt either. So yes, usually they would be out in search of a good fuck, but tonight they were there on business. Not to say Louis didn’t make flirty eyes at a few boys just for the hell of it, using his tongue to toy with his straw in an X-rated manner with one fellow in particular.

Zayn shoved him in the shoulder to snap him out of it mid tongue flick. “Oi, quite dicking around, we have to be back soon,”

He sent over one last wink before giving his attention to Zayn, pulling a face at him. “I could have dicked around with him in the bathroom you know. Rude.”

“Lou, try to focus for once, we’re scouting here. Besides, didn’t you just have a cock up your arse last night, Jesus.”

Louis brightened, setting his empty glass down on a passing tray. “Yes I did, and this morning too!”

Zayn just shook his head, turning back towards the dance floor. “I don’t even know how you manage to dance half the time when your bedroom is busier than Disneyland.”

“How dare you compare my sex life to the happiest place on earth,” Louis paused for a moment, bringing a finger to his lips in thought. “Actually…that may very well be the perfect analogy of my bedroom.”

Zayn remained silent, fixated on ignoring Louis now. Louis ran his eyes over his side profile before speaking again. “I’ve even had _sex_ at Disneyland,”

He hung his head down in defeat before glancing back at Louis, a smile tugging at his lips. “You are officially the biggest slag I know.”

Louis grinned smugly. “I kind of have to be considering how good I look in a sparkly thong, I mean I’m really just doing the general population a favor, in fact…”

Louis gave an irritated huff. Zayn had stopped listening to him…again. He was focused intently on the dance floor, one hand blindly reaching out to Louis’, tugging on his sleeve.

“Lou…him…look at him,”

Louis followed Zayn’s line of sight and finally landed on who he was watching. He could tell from where they were standing that he was tall, towering well above the group of girls that he was dancing with. He had a bright smile on his face, throwing his head back in a laugh that brought out the long line of muscle in his neck. His hair was coiffed into a little faux hawk thing, and judging from the way his baseball t fit him, he had a pretty good body too.

Louis nodded in approval. “Shall we go get him then?”

Zayn was way ahead of him though, practically dragging Louis down the stairs with him. They stood on the edge of the dance floor for a few moments, when they finally caught his eye. Louis raised a hand to wave him over while Zayn worked his smolder, staring him down with bedroom eyes as he pushed his way through the crowd to get to them.

He eased past a few more people before landing in front of them, his eyebrows cocked in surprise.

“Um, hey…so you were waving at me? But like…did you actually mean me, or…?”

Louis glanced at Zayn who was seemingly still in his smolder subspace, so he gladly took the reins. “Yeah man, it was you. I’m Louis and this is Zayn and well, how do you feel about stripping?”

The boy sputtered, coughing violently into his fist before finding his voice again, his eyes wide. “Pardon?”

Louis just powered on. “Exactly how you heard it. You see, Zayn and I have the wonderful task of looking for new talent and you have the looks, and from what it looked like some alright moves, but we can always work on that. So, I ask again…how do you feel about stripping?”

He scratched his head, looking back and forth between Zayn and Louis. “Um…”

“Look, it’s probably easier if we show you. If you want, you can come with us to the club, we’ll even pay for your cab ride home, and you can see it all for yourself and decide then how you feel... about stripping,” Louis tacked on the end. Just in case he hadn’t been clear the first two times he stressed it.

The poor kid looked mildly terrified, yet he was still rooted to the spot. “Decide…if I want to be a stripper,”

Louis clapped his hands together. “Exactly! So, are you in, uh…?”

“Liam.”

Louis looked him over again, tilting his head. “That’s good! We don’t have a Liam yet. What’s your last name?”

He swallowed, blushing faintly under the flashing lights of the club. “Payne.”

Louis bent over in a fit of laughter causing Zayn to finally come to and actually focus on what was happening in front of him. His lips spread into a smile as he wrapped his fingers around Liam’s forearm. “Brilliant. Let’s go.”

*

They stood at the front door, Liam staring up at the sign. “Ron Lou’s…wow okay. I’ve heard of this place. It’s a pretty big deal in the business, hey?”

Louis shrugged and Zayn looked at him thoughtfully. “We do alright. Curious though…why did you decide to go along with this?”

Liam blushed again and Louis couldn’t tell if he was actually embarrassed or if it was due to Zayn’s insistent staring right into his soul. Louis was going to have to chat with him about that. It was a little fucking scary.

“I guess I’m a little intrigued…and to be honest, I could use the money. I just got laid off, so…” he waved a dismissive hand, massaging at the back of his neck.

Louis stepped forward and pulled the door open, bowing slightly. “Looks like it’s your lucky day then. Enter at your own risk,”

He hesitated for the briefest moment before shoving his hands into the pocket of his jeans, ducking his head as he walked into the darkened doorway. Zayn followed on his heels, but not before being stopped by Louis, who placed a hand on his chest to stall him.

“Quit looking at the kid like you want to devour him. Subtly, Zayn. Try using it.”

Zayn shrugged away from him, narrowing his eyes. “Whatever, if it was you, you would have fucked him already,” he mumbled.

Louis gave him a loving pat on the back before pushing him into the club. “Correct. I’d just be a little less obvious about it, love.”

“One of these days I’m going to find something to torture you with, Tomlinson.”

Louis leaned against his back to whisper in his ear. “I just _knew_ you were into some kinky shit, you little Dom you,”

“Fuck off.”

They were still bickering with each other as they walked into the main room, where they found Liam stopped in his tracks, staring with his mouth wide open at the sight in front of him. Louis and Zayn flanked his sides, an ‘ah yes’ leaving their mouths.

Louis’ lip quirked up at the side. “So yeah, that’s Grimmy. Well, Nick. Or, Ron Lou if you will. Future employer. Eccentric to a fault. Rich as fuck. I think that about covers it.”

Nick looked up from his cross legged position on the floor, his face contorting into a wide toothy smile. He eased up onto his feet, moving around the bongo drums in front of him, the swish of his leather pants sounding out in the quiet of the club.

“What do we have here, lads,”

They pushed Liam forward, meeting Nick halfway. “This is Liam. He fancies a tryout.”

Nick moved his head from side to side, assessing him from head to toe. “Well you're fit, so that’s a start. Can you dance?”

Liam bounced around on his toes, his cheeks in a permanent flush now. “Yeah, I mean I think I’m alright? Can’t say I’ve even given a lap dance to someone my mum’s age before, but I can get used to it I suppose.”

Zayn and Louis chuckled behind him as Nick’s eyes lit up. “Oh I quite like you,” he turned to Louis, “Show him about, then throw him in the police uniform,” he reached out to pinch Liam’s cheek. “Impress me and you can come back tomorrow. Now get out, I have a club to open to loads of horny women who want to waste their money. Ta boys.”

*

They wandered down the hallway to the backroom, bumping into some of the serving staff along the way. Louis gestured at Niall, their favorite of the bus boys.

Niall hopped over to them, fiddling with the bow tie around his neck. “Good evening! Ready for another crazy night?”

Louis smacked his hands away from the bow tie to adjust it himself. “Crazy night is my middle name, Nialler,” he nodded his head to the side. “This is Liam, maybe new guy.”

Niall inspected him, reaching out to pat his shoulder. “Niall Horan, nice to meet you mate! Good luck out there, and watch out for the bird’s hands, they can get pretty fucking feisty.”

He cackled loudly as he headed out into the front of the club, leaving Liam with terrified look once again. Zayn gave him a gentle smile. “He exaggerates, you’d do best to never believe a word out of his mouth. You’ll be great. Just have the DJ put on a song that makes you comfortable and roll with it.”

Louis pulled out his wallet, dumping a couple of pills into his hand. “Speaking of roll with it...” he held out his palm to Liam and Zayn. “Party favor?”

Liam started to shake his head no, but suddenly changed his mind and reached out to grab one. “It’s ecstasy right?” Louis nodded. “This night can’t get any weirder, so why not.”

Zayn leaned in to take one as well, ignoring the smirk on Louis’ face. “Believe me Liam. It can.”

*

A sentence Liam quickly took back once he was plastered against a couch, plastic Billy club in his hand, eyes flickering between Zayn and Louis as they got dressed. Or undressed and then dressed again he should say.

Louis turned around in the mirror, happily applying bronzer to his ass. He met Liam’s eyes in the mirror giving him a naughty smile. “I know Liam, I know. It’s probably the best arse you’ll ever see,”

Zayn snorted as he pulled on track pants and a hoodie. “Your modesty never ceases to amaze, Lou.”

He gave himself a quick slap before pulling his trousers up. “The arse speaks for itself, love.” He turned around and pulled his fingers into a salute at the brim of his hat. “Officer Tomlinson is ready to report for duty,”

Zayn rolled his eyes, but Liam looked at him in awe. “I have to say Louis, you look quite proper in Navy whites.”

“Oh love, it’s about to get decidedly very unproper. Enjoy the show!” he said cheerily before disappearing down the hall.

Zayn walked over and tugged Liam up off the couch, holding onto his hands a little bit longer than he had meant to. “Come then, let’s go learn from the best.”

They stood at the side of the stage and watched as Louis shimmied and worked his hips, shook his ass, and grinded up on a group of ecstatic bachelorettes to Lil Wayne’s 'Mr Officer'.

Liam opened his mouth wordlessly a few times before finally getting out his admiration. “Shit, I have to follow this?”

Zayn hummed in response. “Yeah, we all do unfortunately.” He bumped shoulders with him to get his attention “You’ll be fine. You got your song all lined up?”

Liam licked his lips, wiping his clammy hands on his pants. “Uh huh.”

Zayn gave him a wicked smile. “Good. Cause you’re up.”

Louis was making his way off stage, picking up dollar bills and blowing kisses to the audience, when he stopped in front of Liam and grabbed him by the shoulders, kissing him hard on the mouth. He pulled away and turned him, pushing him onto the stage. “Knock em dead kiddo,” he hollered after the dazed boy.

Zayn was shooting daggers at him when he turned around and Louis let out a long sigh, pulling Zayn against him. “Christ, Malik, you fall way too easily. Don’t worry; the little pup is all yours.”

“ _Fuck,_ ” Zayn breathed out.

Louis whipped around and quickly seconded that notion when he saw Liam fucking _working_ it to Sexy Back. It was like he completely transformed as soon as the music started, even Niall was paused in shock mid champagne uncorking. Louis peered out behind the curtain searching for Nick. He found him leaning against the bar and could practically see the dollar signs forming behind his eyes.

Louis crossed his arms, pouting his lip out. “He’s stealing my thunder,”

Except Zayn wasn’t listening to him again – fuck, what else was new? Louis wondered how long Liam had until he fell prey to Zayn’s witchcraft. Then again, they did drag Liam away from a group of girls at the club and he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying shoving his faux leather covered dick into the faces of drunk, horny women.

Fuck it, Louis thought. They would just have to wait and see, because judging from Nick’s face he could tell that Liam was here to stay.

So, instead of worrying about Zayn’s quest for cock, he was going to get them all extraordinarily fucked up tonight.

Fuck he loved this job.

*

Liam opened his eyes slowly. Very, very slowly. Because if it was any faster he thinks his eyeballs might throw up. Once he finally got them open he turned his head slightly and thought ‘couch’. His couch. Thank god.

He bravely turned his head the other way and was met with suspicious green eyes.

“Harry…what time is it?” he croaked out.

“Half seven,” he offered around a mouthful of cereal. He swallowed loudly before scrapping the bowl to refill his spoon again. All of these noises were making Liam’s stomach roll. “Dare I ask what happened to you?”

Liam groaned, rolling onto his side, clutching at head. “I got a job,”

Harry laughed. “As what, a professional vodka drinker?”

Liam laughed bitterly. “Ha. Close. I um…maybe took a job at a strip club…as a stripper.”

Harry stopped mid bite, his spoon clattering against the bowl. “ _Excuse_ me, Liam?”

He shrugged, drawing lines in the carpet to avoid Harry’s eyes. “Look, I needed a job, I was offered one and I made a good sum of money last night. There are worse things than prancing around in a thong I’m sure,”

“Is there?”

Liam frowned, shooting his eyes back at Harry. “Haz, you work with sick animals all day. Literally everything scandalizes you. Yes, there are worse things. I promise.”

Harry pouted, picking up his spoon again. “S’not true. Not _everything_ scandalizes me.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. Remember when that girl told you she would take the whipped cream you didn’t want, and offered to lick it off your naked body?”

“We were at Starbucks! It was midday!” he sputtered.

Liam clutched at his stomach in laughter, glad for the distraction from his entire body being in pain. “Classic. I wish I had a painting of your face from that day,”

Harry brought up his spoon, flicking milk over at him. “Shut upppp, you can’t laugh at me anymore, YOU are a male stripper.”

Liam only laughed harder. “Oh I can. And I will.” He eased up, leaning over to place a hand on Harry’s knee. “It’s just something to do for now, it’s not _that_ bad. Come by for a drink tonight, you can see for yourself.”

Harry wrinkled his nose. “Liam, I can’t go to a male strip club,”

Liam knew his next question was going to make Harry want to launch himself into the sun in embarrassment, but he just had to. “Why? You love dicks.”

Sure enough, Harry’s entire face turned a lovely shade of crimson. “I am not going to dignify that with a response. Okay, why would I want to come and see _you_ get naked?? Really, Liam.”

Liam got up and ruffled his hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “We don’t get naked, you prat. And it’s nothing you haven’t seen since we were practically born.”

“Yeah, and I’ve really been trying to see less of it thanks.” He blew out a resigned breath. “ _Fine_ , I’ll come. But only so I can tell our mums I’m a much better friend than you.”

Liam knocked on the wall in the hallway that lead to his room. “Thanks Haz…it’s that club we’ve walked past a bunch of times, Ron Lou’s?”

“Great. This won’t be traumatizing at all,”

Liam called out from his room. “Yes, second after the Starbucks incident!”

All he heard in response was an exasperated sigh and the clang of a dish in the sink.

*

They were all lounging around backstage while the club filled up, Liam already feeling like he had known everyone for years. Zayn had his arm slung around his shoulders on the couch as they watched a Drake video on his phone, trying to decide on what song Zayn should dance to later.

Nick sauntered into the back room, this time in pleather leggings and not much else. He cocked an eyebrow at Zayn and Liam, but didn’t comment on it. “I need you guys to come and look at something,”

They both clamoured off the couch, following him out to the curtains so they could have a good look at the room. Nick pointed to the bar. “Now, every once in a while we get men in here, it’s not that strange, but who on earth is that tall drink of water at the bar looking like someone just told him his dog died?”

Liam and Zayn stretched their necks out to see who Nick was referring to. Liam spotted the familiar curls and grinned. “Oh, that’s my friend Harry. And someone probably did just tell him that,”

They both whipped their heads at him, a grimace on their faces. Liam laughed. “He’s a vet assistant.”

Nick turned to look at Harry again, blowing out a whistle. “I don’t ever recall any vets looking like that,”

“Who looks like what? What are we talking about?” Louis asked around a mouthful of candy.

Nick nodded his head towards the bar, so Louis pushed in front of them to get a better look. He swallowed hard, almost choking on the candy. “What the _fuck_ is that?”

“That’s Harry.” Liam was thoroughly amused by all of this.

“I want it,” he whispered. Louis drew his eyes over him, taking in the mess of hair, full pouty lips, the line of his back muscles contracting as he hunched further into the bar. He looked around and Louis saw his profile full on. He almost dramatically threw a hand against his forehead, like a damsel in distress. Almost. Louis raked his eyes over his hair again. Christ. He blew out a hot breath.

“Oh godddd, I want to pull on all that hair and fuck him until he cries.”

Liam looked at him warily. “Was that supposed to be your inside voice?”

“No.”

Zayn groaned. “God, Lou,”

“What,” he snapped at him. “Can’t help what we’re attracted to, isn’t that right Zaynie?”

Zayn glared at him but decided to shut his mouth. Louis turned his attention back to Harry, who was being chatted up by a petite blonde and her friend now. Louis’ face turned serious. “I’m going to give him a lap dance.”

Liam bit his lip, looking at Zayn for help. “He might have a heart attack if you do that Louis, I’m not even kidding,”

Zayn’s eyes softened, nodding in agreement. “Lou, maybe take it easy tonight…”

Louis cut him off with a hand to the face, throwing Liam a determined look. “What is he, straight? Gay? Bi? What’s the problem here?”

Liam scrubbed a hand through his hair. “He’s painfully shy is all, he…”

Louis held up his hand to Liam now.  Apparently he was cutting everyone off tonight and he really didn’t give any fucks. He needed to get to Harry like five minutes ago. “Has he had sex at least, Liam.”

Liam’s face twisted in confusion. “What? Yes, of course he has, it’s just…”

“Brilliant! A lap dance it is.” He cast a look a Nick over his shoulder. “Don’t worry I’ll be back in time to earn my keep.”

They watched him sashay away, Liam’s shoulders dropping in defeat .“I just don’t want him to scare the shit out of poor Harry. I already forced him into coming here against his will.”

Zayn looked at him sadly. “I’m afraid to break it to, but Harry doesn’t stand a chance.”

*

When Louis set his mind out to do something, he usually went well and above his call of duty to do exactly that thing. Tonight was no exception. That thing he wanted to do is Harry. He was alone now, flitting his eyes around the room nervously as he sipped his drink. He was even more delectable up close; Louis had to stop shy of licking his lips and rubbing his hands together like some sort of cartoon villain.

He wasn’t even wearing anything special, just a navy blue t shirt and black jeans - okay on further inspection they looked a lot like jeggings, but whatever, Louis could work with that – and well, Louis just wanted to do really terrible things to him. Louis squeezed himself next to him at the bar, turning his body so he could smile up at him sweetly.

“So, you’re Harry, I’m Louis, and I would love nothing more than to give you a lap dance.” He added a dazzling smile at the end.

Harry straightened in his chair, absently pulling at his t shirt, revealing the tips on a tattoo on his chest. Louis was pretty sure his mouth started to water. His brow furrowed with worry. “Did Liam put you up to this?”

Louis clamped a hand on his arm, standing up to tug him along, hoping he got the hint. “Nope, this is all me sweet cheeks, now let’s go.”

Harry stumbled off his stool, bumping into Louis’ chest. Louis just reached his collarbones, and again he had to physically restrain himself from sinking his teeth into them. Louis shook off the thought, turning to start his trek the ‘champagne room’ as they call it, but Harry wasn’t budging. Louis dropped his hold, turning slowly with his arms folded across his chest.

Harry looked at him pointedly. “I didn’t say yes,"

Louis popped his shoulder up, his face a look of nonchalance. “Well Harry, you have two choices; I can either make a spectacle out here and straddle you like a horse that hasn’t been ridden in years, and don’t think I won’t, or we can take this to the back and I’ll surprise you,”

Harry swallowed a few times, shaking his head. “Jesus… the second one then.”

“Good boy.” Louis curled a finger at him. “Follow me.”

Surprisingly he did, and Louis was just itching to rub himself all over that long, lanky body. They got to the room and Louis immediately ushered Harry over to the couch. “Sit,” he ordered.

Again, Harry did what Louis told him to and if Harry was always this submissive, Louis was going to have a real problem on his hands. Or did he actually mean Harry was going to have the problem, and by hands, he’s pretty sure he meant Harry on his hands and knees…oh lord help him.

He pressed play on his Ipod and shimmied out of the trousers he had on, kicking them aside as he pulled his t shirt over his head. That left him in tiny black shorts that he _knows_ drive the customers crazy. Harry couldn’t have been an exception to this. There’s no way. He met Harry’s eyes, swinging his hips to Robin Thicke’s crooning as he slinked his way back over to him. He nestled in between his legs, Harry’s expression blank and unreadable, his hands tightly fisted next to his thighs. Louis ran his tongue along his bottom lip, Harry’s eyes following the movement. He then spun around and lowered himself into Harry’s lap, rolling his hips in small circles to the beat of the music, just barely touching him.

He threw his head back against Harry’s chest, turning slightly, huffing out a breath against his jawline. “Usually we have a rule about touching…but that doesn’t apply to you, love." He settled down against Harry’s crotch, grinding down with more force before quickly jumping up again, teasingly dancing away. He threw a cocky look over his shoulder “Do you want to touch me Harry? Maybe here?” His sucked on a finger and traced it around his nipple, his eyes never leaving Harry’s.

He grazed his fingers down his sides, sliding his hands down to the dip in his waist. “Or maybe here…do you want me to go lower, Harry?” He thought he might have seen a slight nod. His jaw was clenched tight, and Louis couldn’t be sure if he had swallowed his tongue or not. He turned back around to face Harry, who was now watching him with hooded eyes. Louis trailed his hand lower, just ghosting over the outline of his cock, before dropping to his knees to crawl towards him.

He reached his legs and pulled them open, fitting his body in the middle of them. He teasingly ran his hands up Harry’s thighs, snaking a hand under his t shirt to touch the warm skin on his clenched stomach. Harry gasped and Louis ducked his head, running his tongue along the fly of Harry’s jeans.

“ _Louis_ …” Harry said in a broken voice.

Suddenly the song ended; leaving the room quiet, save for the dull base throbbing through the walls. Louis stood up abruptly, cupping Harry’s chin, titling his stunned eyes up “Time’s up, babe. I’ve gotta show to put on.”

Louis turned on his heel and didn’t even bother to cover up his shorts because he wanted Harry to remember what his perfect arse looked like while he walked away. It would give him something to think about, though Louis was positive he gave him quite a few things to ponder this evening.

Louis smirked as he closed the door behind him. He really wanted Harry, god he was fucking _throbbing_ from how much he wanted him.

But he kind of wanted to make him beg for it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets just say the pictures of the boys on boats this week were very inspiring :)

When Louis got off stage that night, Liam was waiting in the wings with a stern look on his face.

“Louis, _what_ did I tell you about Harry?”

Louis feigned innocence. “What? It was just a lap dance,”

Liam narrowed his eyes. “Oh I highly doubt that. Harry left here looking like he was about to have a seizure.”

Louis frowned. “He left?”

“Of course he left!” Liam absently rubbed a hand back and forth across his head. “Great, now I’ve been there for the two most embarrassing things that’s happened to Harry, and my mum is probably going to kill me.”

Louis looked at him warily. “Your mum?”

Liam sighed. “Harry and I grew up together, and he tells his mum everything, and then she tells my mum, and yeah. I’m in trouble.”

Louis grimaced. “Would Harry really tell his mum he was molested by a male stripper? Though, I must say it could have been a lot worse, at least said stripper is fit,” Louis added with a smug smile.

Liam had to laugh now. “Well no, it’s more or less that he’ll tell her I embarrassed him. Again. I pantsed him during our graduation. I still haven’t heard the end of that.” Louis stared at him in surprise. He shrugged, giving another chuckle. “What can I say, Harry is easy to tease.”

Isn’t that the fucking truth Louis thought to himself. Then he remembered Liam’s other comment. “Wait, what was the other embarrassing thing?”

Liam instantly perked up. “Oh there’s been loads, but my personal favourite was the girl at Starbucks that wanted to lick whipped cream off his body. You should have seen his face.”

Louis nodded in agreement. “I _definitely_ want to lick whipped cream off him,”

Liam groaned deeply. “Maybe ease into the whipped cream. I love Harry like a brother okay, and he’s probably the nicest person you will ever meet in your life. So please, take it easy on him.”

“Alright, well what if I make it up to him? Is he working in the morning?”

Liam eyed him suspiciously. “Why?”

Louis grinned and started walking to the back room so he could change. “It’s still early yet. I’m thinking I should take him for pancakes. He seems like the type that would like pancakes for dinner. And then maybe you should stay at Zayn’s tonight, because I just don’t think pancakes will be enough for me.”

He had his back to Liam as he pulled on his jeans and was trying to guess what his face looked like. Shock? Annoyance? Awe? “He’s not going to fuck you, Louis.”

Louis whirled around as he tugged a t shirt over his head, pointing a finger at Liam. “Challenge accepted.”

Liam looked completely exasperated by now. “No, there is no challenge, and I’m sure that Zayn doesn’t want someone he just met kipping at his place,”

Zayn stepped out of the bathroom, drying out his hair and looked between the two of them. “What’s going on out here?”

Louis bounced into action grabbing his keys and wallet. “I’m off to give Harry an ‘I’m sorry blow job’ among other things, and Liam’s going to stay at yours tonight,”

Liam was steadfastly shaking his head. “He’s not…I’m not,”

Louis looked at him pitifully. “Liam, stop denying the inevitable. Now, what’s your address?”

Zayn stepped over and slung an arm over Liam’s shoulders, poking his thumb at Louis. “I really don’t mind if you stay, and don’t worry about this one, he’s not going to fuck him.”

Louis shook his head. “I probably am,”

“Probably am what?” Nick asked from the doorway.

Louis beamed at him. “Oh, fucking Liam’s friend Harry.”

Nick shrugged indifferently, adjusting the cowboy hat on his head. “You mean you didn’t already?”

Louis gasped, his face contorted into mock outrage. “I was working!”

“Oh, it that what you’re calling it now?” He turned to Liam. “Well golden boy, you’re a hit. You’re officially on the payroll. I’m taking you all out on my boat tomorrow to celebrate.” He tipped his hat at Louis on the way out. “May as well bring the fit veterinarian, I’m sure you’ll still be in him by that time.”

“Aye, aye captain,” Louis smirked at Liam and Zayn. “See, at least _someone_ wants this for me.”

“Jesus Christ, just go already, Lou.” Zayn nudged Liam, “Give him the info so we can get the fuck out of here, I’m starving.”

Liam finally crumbled and rattled off his address to a positively glowing Louis. He gave them both a loud kiss on the cheek. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, you two.”

They watched him barrel out the door. Liam glanced at Zayn. “Am I correct in thinking there’s nothing he wouldn’t do?”

“Absofuckinglutely.”

*

Louis knocked on the door of a respectable looking townhouse and casually leaned on the door frame. He looked around and hoped Liam had given him the correct address; this was a bit more posh that he expected. He reached to knock again when he heard some footsteps and a muffled ‘coming’. The door opened and yes, Harry was still exactly what Louis wanted.

“Um, hi…?”

“So, Harry I have two choices for you,”

Harry shifted on his feet nervously. “Do you always give out ultimatums to people you just met? That’s twice in one night, you know.”

Louis cocked his head in thought. “I don’t actually, so you must be special. I have this thing about wanting to be the boss, you see.” Harry just watched him, waiting he presumed, for the choices. He clasped his hands together. “Right. I would like to take you out for pancakes, but I would also really like to fuck you. So you know, whatever you want to do first,”

Harry blinked at him a few times. He furrowed his brow, his eyes concerned. “I can’t have _sex_ with you…I don’t even know you,”

Louis rolled his eyes, pushing his way past him into the doorway. “Sure you can, I do it all the time.”

He heard the door shut behind him. “That’s really not a selling feature,"

Louis snuck a look around the place before meeting his eyes again. “Hmm, well it should be. So, pancakes or sex? If it helps, I can top or bottom. Again. Your choice.”

Harry leaned back against the front door, looking a bit faint. “I don’t think I’ve ever had such an odd Saturday night.”

Louis prowled over to him fitting his hands against his chest. He slid them down slowly, teasing at the bottom of Harry’s t shirt. He peered up at him. “I just really want to fuck you Harry, it’s a necessity at this point.” He leaned up on toes, grazing his lips next to Harry’s. “You’re so fucking fit,”

“That’s very flattering, thank you,” he said with a wavering laugh. Louis hummed in response, latching his mouth onto Harry’s neck now. He sucked lightly and heard the thud of Harry’s head against the door, his hands clenching into Louis’ waist. “This…this really isn’t fair…you’re seducing me,” he breathed out in a gasp.

Louis moved lower, nibbling on his obscene collarbones. “Is it working, Harry?”

He snaked a hand between them, rubbing his palm against the fly of Harry’s jeans. “I…uh…” Louis moved his hands and dropped to his knees, taking Harry’s jeans with him. He curled his fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs and stared up at him, licking his lips. Harry’s eyes glossed over. “Oh my god.”

Louis grinned. “I’ll take that as a 'yes please keep going'. Can’t leave you hanging again, that would be quite rude.”

Louis decided he had the okay and whipped off Harry’s briefs as well. He cocked an eyebrow, glancing up at Harry. “Seriously? You are definitely not topping now,”

Harry’s face flushed bright red as he turned his head to the side. “This is officially the most embarrassing day of my life.”

“Oh right, the whipped cream incident. I can tell you one thing; I’d like to put some on this banana split,”

Harry groaned, shutting his eyes now. “Why would Liam tell you about that! I can’t believe him! I…”

Louis wrapped a fist around him and leaned forward. “Shut up, Harry.”

And he did mostly while Louis took him apart with his mouth and deft fingers until his legs were quivering, and he was saying a little ‘oh my god Louis’ mantra under his breath. He slid down the door and looked at Louis in a daze.

“Oh my god.”

Louis laughed. “Yes, you’ve mentioned him a few times.” He shuffled over next to him, settling down shoulder to shoulder. He waited for Harry to catch his breath and nudged his knee. “Pancakes?”

He felt Harry stiffen beside him. “Oh…um…you don’t want to…uh,”

Louis shook his head in disbelief. Harry was trying to be fucking polite about wanting to know if Louis still wanted to fuck him. How was he real? “Yes ,Harry, I’m still into the fucking. But I figure we can wait. I was already thinking we should christen Nick’s boat tomorrow.” He tapped a finger on his lip. “Hmm, I hope he hasn’t beaten me to it,”

“I think you’ve lost me.”

Louis nodded. “Oh right, I guess you haven’t heard. Liam was blessed with a full time position this evening, so Nick is taking us out tomorrow to celebrate.”

Harry gave him a sideways glance. “And you want me to come?”

Louis turned to looked at him fully, obnoxiously wiggling his eyebrows. “Do I ever, Harry.”

He laughed incredulously. “Do you ever think of anything other than sex?”

Louis reached over and wrapped a finger around a curl, giving it a little tug. “Yes I do, actually. Its food.”

Harry leaned over to grab his jeans, shimmying back into them. “That I can do. I believe you requested pancakes?”

Louis stood up, offering his hand to Harry who clumsily climbed to his feet. “You mean to tell me that you’re going to make me pancakes after I barged into your home, which is lovely from what I’ve seen of it by the way, sexually harassed you on various different levels, _and_ invited myself to stay over. You are something special, Harry…”

“Styles,” He looked at Louis questioningly. “You just threw that invite to sleep over in there, didn’t you.”

Louis pursed his lips, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know, did I?”

Harry snorted. “Subtle. But if we’re getting up early to go out then you may as well.” He nodded his head down the hall, “These pancakes aren’t going to eat themselves, kitchen’s this way.”

Louis trailed after him, checking out the rest of the flat. “I thought Liam said you were shy,”

He glanced over his shoulder. “Guess you sucked that out of me.”

Louis damn near choked but remained quiet behind him.

Yeah wait until I fuck it out of you Harry Styles, he thought silently.

*

They managed to make it down to the marina bright and early, Louis actually well rested for once. It’s amazing what can happen when you take a night off from partying. Yes it was fairly strange to think that he just slept at Harry’s house, a person he had known for mere hours, and somewhat platonically no less. Well, aside from the good morning hand job Louis gave him. And Louis wasn’t usually a person to be so unselfish when it came to sexual favors, but Harry did make him pancakes, and Louis was thinking about starting a blog dedicated to his body. It was sinful. He was very much looking forward to seeing him basking in the sun all day.

Much to his surprise, everyone was already there waiting for them when they sauntered down the walkway, Harry talking under his breath behind him. “That is _not_ just a boat,”

Louis glanced at him over his shoulder. “Nothing is ever as it seems when it comes to Nick, dear Harold.”

Liam spotted them and waved over at Harry a bit sheepishly. Louis gave him a push in his direction. “Go on, ease his troubled mind.”

Louis wandered over to Zayn who was leaning against the railing, looking ridiculously attractive while smoking a cigarette. Honestly, no one should look that good smoking. Louis sidled up next to him, leaning over the opposite way from him. “So, how did it go last night, did you get into his knickers?”

Zayn continued to take a drag on his smoke, stopping to blow rings that he poked with his fingers. “Nope.”

Louis made a noise of disappointment. “That’s a shame.”

“Wasn’t the right time.” Louis decided not to prod him any further. He wasn’t going to try and understand the inner workings of Zayn’s mind on Liam right now. Zayn flicked an ash, pausing the smoke right before his lips. “And you?”

“As you know, I had every intention of fucking him, but for god's sake, Liam was right. He _is_ too nice. So, I can hold out a bit longer,”

Zayn smirked, letting out a chuckle. “Like how long, this afternoon?”

Louis reached over to pull the last of the smoke out of his hand, taking a drag before tossing it on the ground. “Only time will tell…hey it looks like Nicholas is assembling the troops. Let’s go do the thing.”

*

Liam threw his arms around Harry as soon as he was in reach, clinging to him desperately. “Haz, I’m sorry, please don’t be cross with me,”

Harry squeezed him in return; huffing a laugh against his neck. “And whatever would I be cross about? Could it be the male stripper you sent to our door with offers of sex?” Liam was mumbling incoherently into his shoulder, so he took a step back, holding him at arm’s length. “I mean honestly Li, I didn’t think I was doing _that_ bad in that department.”

Liam looked distressed. “No, of course not Haz! He’s just…fuck, he’s really persistent.”

Harry ran a hand through his hair, a small smile playing on his lips. “He certainly is. Though to be fair, he is quite amusing,”

Liam’s distress quickly dissolved, turning into a sly grin. “Apparently, seeing as you let him stay the night.”

“Nothing happened…I mean nothing much. It was PG…erm okay. Maybe PG 13.” Harry felt a blush creep up his cheeks.

Liam pulled him into a hug again. “You are just too cute and innocent, Haz.

He wriggled away, sticking his tongue out. “Rude.” He nodded over to where people where starting to get on the yacht. “So, you sure about all this?"

“Yeah sure, for now. It’s surprisingly fun, its good money, so why not right?”

Harry nodded. “Alright, if you say so." He paused before moving onto the next topic. "That Zayn guy is pretty into you, hey?”

Liam glanced over at him, feeling his own cheeks get a little bit hot. “No, I think he looks at everybody like that. He’s cool though.” Harry looked like he wanted to say something else, but Liam started pulling at his arm, guiding him towards the yacht. “Looks like we’re about to depart. You ready for this?’

“Liam, I feel like nothing in my life has prepared me for day on a boat with a bunch of male strippers.”

*

So Louis was really fucking high and he felt really fucking good about it. Really. Fucking. Good. He looked around with half slit eyes, focusing for a moment on Nick, who was twirling around a pole – where the fuck did that come from? – and grinding against Zayn while wearing hot pink booty shorts, all to the tune of some Pussycat Dolls song about wanting to grow up. Now that was ironic Louis mused to himself. He finally landed his eyes on Harry who was sitting with Liam, all dimples and erratic curls and a lot of tattoos. Louis needed Harry to himself immediately.

Louis felt his legs carry him over towards them, staring at Harry the whole way. He planted himself in front them, causing Harry to quirk an eyebrow in question. Louis’ eyes bored into his and never wavered, even when he addressed Liam. “Liam, may I borrow Harry for a moment,”

However Louis didn’t bother waiting for an answer, he was already pulling Harry along behind him – he has done this a lot in the short time frame they’ve know each other, but he figured Harry didn’t mind seeing as he always followed. He yanked him inside and went in search of the bedroom, finally finding it at the end of the hall. He pushed open the door and crowded Harry into the room until he backed into the bed, falling back on his elbows.

Louis slowly climbed onto his lap, clasping his hands together behind Harry’s neck, who looked at a loss of words from all the manhandling. Louis rolled forward, nipping his teeth on his ear. “God, you are so fucking sexy, Harry.”

“Yeah…you keep saying that,”

Louis leaned back to look at him, searching those mossy green eyes. “What, do you not believe me?”

Harry gave a little shrug while Louis’ mouth hung in shock. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Have you seen you? I literally want to cover every inch of your body in chocolate sauce and lick it off.”

Harry laughed. “What’s with people and their obsessions with wanting to lick things off of me?”

A look of disappointment crossed Louis’ face. “Don’t tell me someone got there before me,"

“I can’t say they have, no.”

Louis pushed him onto his back, tracing the outline of the birds on his chest with his fingertips. “That’s good, I really want the honor of being the first but also…” he leaned down, running his tongue along the birds now, “what a waste.”

Louis continued his work on Harry’s chest, sucking little bruises into his collarbones and grinding his hips into him to the tune of whatever song was playing outside. Harry clutched onto his shoulders after a particular filthy roll of the hips, tiny little moans leaving his lips, and Louis right then and there made it his responsibility to fuck those noises out of him.

He crawled down lower in-between Harry’s legs and reached his fingers up to the waistband of his shorts. He looked up at him with a predatory grin. “I think you know what I want to do here, Harry. But I’ll say it again just in case you weren’t sure. I want to fuck you on this boat. I really, really do.”

Harry fumbled for words. “I…um…yes okay…I mean…do you…do we have, you know…”

Louis nodded, inching his shorts down his hips. “We do, but I also have a tongue, so I’m going to use that first.” Louis flicked his eyes back up at Harry, who looked like he was going to pass out, so Louis licked his lips for emphasis. “Stay with me now love, you’re going to want to enjoy every minute of this. I’m _really_ good at it.”

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, his head dropping back against the pillows. “Jesus.”

Louis grinned against the warm skin of Harry’s thigh. He thinks he just found his new favourite Sunday activity.

*

Liam watched as Zayn and Nick grinded up on each other, and had to look away a few times when he caught a glimpse of Zayn’s fuck me eyes. How did he just look at people like that? It was unnerving to say the least. Liam didn’t think he had ever seen another person that looked like him either; it almost wasn’t naturel for someone to be that good looking. Why does he have to look like a model _and_ be cool as well? That didn’t seem fair Liam grumbled to himself. He darted his eyes over again and Zayn was finished dancing now, patting Nick on the back with grin. He spotted Liam and gave him a wave, making his way over to where he was sitting.

He sat down next to him, pulling out a joint and took a long inhale of smoke before offering it to Liam. Liam’s fingers brushed his when he grabbed it, causing him to smile shyly. “Thanks. You looked like you’re having fun out there,”

Zayn drew his eyes over Liam’s face making him to shiver inwardly. “If there’s one thing you have to know about Grimmy, it’s that when he demands a dance with you, you do it. I’m sure your turn will come soon enough.”

Liam laughed – well it actually came out as more of a giggle and he kind of wanted to die. “Alright, duly noted.” He nodded towards the door that lead inside. “Do you really think they’re having sex in there?”

“Liam, my friend, do not underestimate the Tomlinson touch. He’s got a gift.” Louis came stumbling out the door at that moment, with a very smug look on his face. Zayn nudged Liam, “Speak of the devil.”

Liam whipped his head back around, his eyes wide. “Oh my god, all I needed to see was Harry’s hair. That’s telling enough right there. It’s a bloody mess.”

Harry must have known this as well, his fingers feeling around his head, desperately trying to flatten it. Louis skipped out onto the deck, waving his arms over his head. “The party’s back!”

Nick stopped dancing and turned around, wagging a finger at Louis. “Did you just christen my boat, Lewis?”

Louis nodded enthusiastically. “Indeed. And, you’re welcome.”

Nick stepped down and walked over to him, slapping him on the back. “Wonderful, let’s get the champagne out to celebrate!”

Liam got up and went over to Harry, who was still messing about with his hair. Liam grabbed onto his hands, pulling them away. “Haz, you’re making it worse. I think we need to find you an elastic band or something.” Liam looked up at it again shaking his head, an amused smile on his lips. “I mean, I know that people have a fetish for your hair, but what the hell did he do to you in there?”

Harry groaned, leaning his head down on Liam’s shoulder. “Can we never talk about this, please.”

“This is the only thing I want to talk about for the next little while,”

Harry moaned louder. “I’m moving.”

Liam wrapped his arms around him, kissing the side of his head. “Liar. You could never be away from me that long,”

Harry shrugged out of his hold rolling his eyes. “I suppose you’re right. I still don’t want to talk about it though.”

Liam looked thoughtful for a moment, squinting his eyes at Harry. “Can you at least tell me if you made use of that arse of his?”

And then Louis came bounding up to them, a bottle of champagne in his hand. “Okay, I found something else I want to lick off of you, let’s go.”

Harry looked back and forth between the two of them before pushing past them, mumbling under his breath. “Someone on this boat _has_ to be normal,”

Louis frowned, watching him walk away. “But I feel like that’s the most normal thing I’ve said to him all day,”

Liam scratched his head. “Jeez, I thought a good roll in the hay was supposed to make you _less_ grumpy. You need to remedy this.”

Louis smiled at him brightly. “Give me til the end of the week. He’ll be as happy as a child on Christmas morning.”

The wheels in Louis’ mind were already turning.

This was going to be good. 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis found Harry on the other side of the boat, moodily staring at his phone. He glanced up and saw Louis approach and pocketed it, frowning down at his hands now. Louis was still carrying the bottle of champagne, so he placed it on the deck next to Harry’s feet, crouching down in front of him. He gave his knee a gentle squeeze.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, was it the champagne comment? Because I’m not opposed to you pouring it on me if that’s what this is about. I'm pretty flexible,”

Harry went to drag a hand through is hair, but remembered that Liam had tied it up for him. His frown deepened. “Louis…I’m not a piece of meat, you know.”

Louis frowned too, grabbing one of his hands. “Hey, hey, I know that, I’m only teasing you, Harry. But I mean…you sounded like you were having an alright time earlier?”

Harry blushed furiously, still staring adamantly at his hands. “I did, I just…” he looked up and finally met Louis’ eyes, his own wide and doe like. “I never do things like this! So, I’m sorry if I don’t know how to deal with it,” he absently twisted his fingers around a curl sticking out on the side of his head. “I swear you must be some kind of sorcerer.  An evil, stripping sorcerer.”

Louis was nodding as he listened; his lips pursed. “I should totally be a sorcerer for my next routine. I even have the perfect song, Magic Touch by Robin Thicke.” He smiled up at Harry. “Thanks Harry, you’re brilliant.”

Harry finally released the tension in his face, a small smile framing his lips. “Glad I could help.”

Louis grinned at him, rubbing his hand along his thigh. “How about this? I will try and tone it down; I mean I can find us glasses to drink this champagne out of, I suppose I don’t _have_ to pour it all over you... this time.” Louis pointed a finger at him. “But, I won’t stop telling you how fit you are, you can’t take that away from me.”

Harry’s cheeks tinged pink again. “I’m like, average at best, Louis.”

Louis stood up and crawled into his lap again. Because he quite liked it there. He grabbed his face in both hands and leaned in, murmuring against his lips. “No one who’s average can pull off a ridiculous little pony tail, Harry.” Louis gave him a demur kiss at first, enjoying the feel of Harry’s lush lips. He snuck his tongue in a few moments later, savoring the taste of him. Fuck…he even tasted good.

Louis broke away, a question in his eyes. “Can you at least drink some champagne so I can taste it on some part of you? You have to give me something here. It’s a crime to waste good champagne, you know.”

“You might be the craziest person I’ve ever met,”

Louis sat back searching his eyes. “Is that a yes?”

Harry tried to surpress a laugh, but failed miserably. He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Pass me the bottle.”

*

When they pulled up to the marina later that afternoon everyone was in good spirits; Liam was relieved to see Harry happy and giggling once again, giddy from the bottle of bubbly that he and Louis shared together. As it turned out, Louis did end up tonguing some of it off of Harry, when he ‘accidentally’ jostled the bottle, causing it to spill on his chest. Harry glared at him, but Louis just shrugged and batted his lashes innocently. “Oops, I’m just so clumsy.”

Louis was just really good at getting his way.

They all piled out of the boat and made their way down the runway, Liam and Zayn with their arms slung around each other, swaying from side to side and Louis attached to Harry’s back after he requested (read demanded) a piggy back ride. When they got to the end there were two marine unit police officers waiting for them, both of them decidedly unimpressed.

Harry placed Louis down on his feet, looking slightly panicked. Louis squeezed his side, leaning up to whisper in his ear. “We’re fine, babe, Nick will handle it.”

Nick strutted over to them, still clad in tiny pink shorts, but had at least thrown a vest on at this point. A grin spread on his face when he stopped in front of them, popping a hip out. “Ladies. Looking lovely today as always,”

Their faces remained unchanged. One of them nodded her head in greeting at him. “Good afternoon, Nick. Now, you wouldn’t happen to be doing anything illegal out on that boat would you?”

“Absolutely not Officer Bluschke, I wouldn’t dream of it.” He waved around at the group. “Just an afternoon in the sun with my best pals, doing completely legal things.”

This finally got him a crack of a smile. “I must say Nick, those shorts are telling me a different story,”

Nick gave her cheeky hip shake. “Oh, you naughty little minx. I do wish you would take me up on my offer of coming down to the club. My treat.”

She chuckled. “Not really my scene, Nick. Though, I wouldn’t mind seeing him up on that stage,” she indicated towards Harry.

Louis howled with laughter, doubling over at the waist while Harry threw his arms up in defeat. “Honestly.”

They gave the group once over again, before backing away. “Just try to keep the pole dancing for an evening trip next time, Nick. I think you’ve traumatized enough families for the day.”

Nick gave them a wave. “Got it. No daytime pole dancing. Until next time ladies,” He spun around, eyes full of mischief. “Now, who’s up for round two at mine?”

Louis scoffed, “Is that even a question.” Harry was tugging on his arm urgently. “Louis, I have work in the morning, I really can’t keep partying.”

Louis turned to face him, hugging his arms around his waist. “That’s a shame kitten, but I understand. It’s kind of nice to know somebody responsible for once,”

Harry bit his lip, drawing his eyes over Louis’ face. “Okay…well, I had a lot of fun. Guess I’ll be seeing you then?”

Louis bopped a finger on his nose. “Oh, Harry. I already programmed my number into your phone and vice versa. I’m nowhere near done with you yet.” Harry bit back a smile, and Louis stood up on his toes pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you soon, Harry Styles.”

Liam wandered over to them, looking at Harry expectantly. “Hey, are you leaving? I’m proper knackered.”

He clasped a hand on Louis’ shoulder, an apologetic smile on his face. “It’s been loads of fun, but I think I’ll have to sit this one out. Tell Zayn thanks for everything, I’ll see you boys tomorrow night.”

Louis mumbled a ‘Yeah sure’ as he watched them leave, then went in search of Zayn. Louis found him sitting in the open doorway of one of the cars that Nick had called for, puffing on another joint. Louis kicked out at his shin. “You need to step up your Liam game; he left with Harry, you know,”

Zayn looked up at him with glazed over eyes, mumbling around the joint hanging from his lips. “Told you, m’taking my time.”

“You’re so fucking boring.”

He gave him a goofy grin, which meant clearly the weed at taken over use of his face. “I think you’re exciting enough for all of us, Lou.” He made a grabby hand towards him, “C’mere.”

Louis stepped in closer, only to have Zayn tug him down into his lap, a string of curses leaving his lips. He turned and scowled at him but Zayn put a hand around his neck, pulling him down towards his lips. “Open your mouth,”

Louis obliged, their lips touching faintly as the heady smoke passed between the two of them. Louis turned his head to blow it away from Zayn’s face, a smirk plastered on his lips. “You trying to get into my pants, Malik?”

Zayn scratched his fingers through the hair at the back of Louis’ neck, smiling at him fondly. “I dunno, I heard there’s a wait list.”

Louis nodded mournfully. “S’true, but I’m sure I could get you into the VIP line-up.”

Zayn cocked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah, what kind of access does that entail?”

“If you’re lucky, I might throw a hand job your way,”

Zayn finished off the rest of the joint, leaning back over to Louis. “You’re nothing but generous, Lou,” he breathed into his mouth.

Louis caught his lips fully this time, taking a little longer to inhale the smoke. He blew it out above him, giving Zayn a wink when he tilted his head back down. “What’s happens at Grimmy’s, stays at Grimmy’s.”

*

What also happened at Grimmy’s were the makings of a two day hangover. Louis attempted to get up on Monday, but decided that pretending to be alive was just too much for him to handle. Instead, he opted to stay home lounging around in his onesie, looking like shit, and eating shit food, and just generally feeling like shit.

He was hanging upside down off the side of his bed, trying out any position that would make him feel just the tiniest bit better, when he realized he had been zoned out on Animal Planet for the last little while. His thoughts then wandered to Harry the hot veterinarian, and wondered how he felt today. He probably felt ace. And that just wasn’t fair. Louis rolled over to his bed side and reached for his phone so he could send Harry a quick message. He should at least know Louis hasn’t forgotten about him.

-          I bet you feel better than I do today :(

When he didn’t hear back for a little while, he started to worry that perhaps Harry had enough of him and deleted his number. A wave of disappointment washed through him, when suddenly his phone buzzed to life.

-          I’m pretty sure I always feel better than you. you guys are nuts! xx

Louis wasn’t ready to be dismissed yet. He fired back another message.

-          Harry are you mocking my well-being, I could have died today you know

His phone was silent for a couple minutes. Louis tapped a finger on the screen impatiently until it buzzed again.

-          ahh but here you are alive and well texting me ;)

Louis narrowed his eyes at the screen.

-          Being sassy now Harold? You should be careful, I have a box full of handcuffs

Harry’s reply was instant.

-          I’m not even going to ask why you own an entire box

Louis didn’t even really know himself. They were mostly leftover from the club, girls leaving them behind from bachelorette parties, so he just started collecting them. You just never know when there was going to be a handcuff emergency. In which case, Louis was ready to save the day. The next message came quite a while later, and Louis rolled back in forth on his bed, laughter wracking throughout his body.

-          Sooo do you have any pink fuzzy ones then?

Louis laughed for a good five minutes imagining Harry plagued by this question, wondering if he should text it or not. Of course Louis did, and he now he knew one sure fire way to put that happy smile onto his face.

-          Maybe, maybe not. Stay tuned babe xx

*

Louis was feeling much livelier on Tuesday, so he actually made himself be productive and get some errands done and clean his apartment and finally, seek out Harry’s workplace so that he could take him to lunch.

Louis was proud of himself for being stealthy, sneaking a business card from Harry’s place when he had stayed there. So maybe that was a bit creepy, but what if he needed a vet one day? This could come handy in a dire situation and really…it was _just_ a business card. Satisfied that he wasn’t entirely crazy, Louis pulled open the door to Harry’s work and smiled over at the receptionist.

“Can I help you?”

Louis sauntered over to the desk, his best flirty eyes on. “Why yes love, you certainly can. Does Harry happen to be working?”

She batted her eyes right back at him, scooting her chair a little closer. “He is…” she hollered out towards the back room. “Harry, someone’s here for you.” She turned back around, bringing her pen to her mouth to chew on the tip. Louis had to stifle a laugh. “Have we met before? You look familiar…”

Oh good, Louis loved making up stories to tell unsuspecting young women who made fuck me eyes at him. “Maybe it was my Topman ads, I used to model you see,”

“Really? Wow…yeah that’s totally probably it. You know…”

Harry stepped around the corner and stopped short, giving them both a strange look. “Louis? What are you doing here?”

Louis stage whispered to the receptionist, a hand in front of his mouth. “And to think I came here to take him to lunch and this is the way he treats me. Perhaps I should just take you,” Louis added with a wink.

Harry rolled his eyes and walked around the counter, his arms folded against his chest. “Do you flirt with anyone that’s within in your general vicinity?"

“I can’t help that I’m charming, Harry,” he tilted his head, inspecting Harry from head to toe. “Well, aren’t you adorable in your little scrubs.”

Harry scrubbed a hand over his face. “Ugh, would you people please stop calling me that,”

Louis furrowed his brow. “But, you are,” he leaned over to smile at the receptionist. “He is.” She nodded with a knowingly smile. He shrugged his shoulders at Harry. “See? So, may I take you to lunch?’’

“There’s a café down the corner we can go to.” He turned around to give a wave to the receptionist. “I’ll be back in an hour, Amy.”

Louis blew her a kiss on the way out the door. “Bye Amy!”

Harry pushed him through it, laughing at the dirty look Louis shot him once they were outside. “You are such a little shit,”

Louis bumped his shoulder, squinting at him against the sun.“You should be nice to me you know, not only am I buying you lunch, but I have a gift for you as well.”

Harry grabbed Louis’ arm to stop him from walking, turning him to face him. “What kind of gift is this? Am I going to want to know about it now or later?”

Louis reached into his jacket and dangled a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs in from of him. “I believe you requested these?”

Harry lunged at him, grabbing them out of his hands and looking around frantically. “Good god Louis, we’re outside of my work!”

Louis started walking again calling over his shoulder. “I think you meant 'thank you, Louis'. Now come along Harold, let’s go have a bite and you can think about your cock in my mouth while you’re tied up to my bed in those things.”

All he heard in return was a long drawn out sigh. “ _Louis_."

*

By the time Friday had rolled around, Louis had made good on his promise to Liam that he would give him a happy Harry by weeks end. He had a blissed out look on his face as he chatted with Niall on the sofa in the back room while the got ready for the show that evening. Zayn called out to Louis from where he was styling his hair in the mirror.

“What did you get up today, you didn’t answer any of my messages, twat.”

“Spray tanning.”

There was a snicker and then silence in the room, making Louis raise his voice to a thrill. “I can sense the judgement out there!"

He stepped out from behind the partition he was changing behind, wearing nothing but his fresh tan and a gold thong. He turned around and pointed at his arse. “This is the perfect shade of golden tan and you will fucking _admire_ it. Go on.”

Niall hopped up off the couch, giving it a slap on his way out. “Yep, looks great, Lou. You are a golden god.”

Louis looked around the room with smug satisfaction. “My point exactly. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must finish changing.”

Zayn shook his head, meeting Harry’s eyes in the mirror. “You sure you want to be hanging out with him, Harry? There’s still time to escape, you know.”

“Be careful how you answer that, Harry!”

Harry glanced at Liam, who was currently pretending not to be staring at Zayn in the mirror. He turned his attention back to Zayn. “I find him to be perfectly lovely.”

“Okay on second thought, reel it in Harold, there’s no need to suck up. I’m going to fuck you either way, babe.” Louis stepped out behind the partition again spreading out his arms. “Tada!”

Harry started choking on a cough, while Liam and Zayn stared at him in shock. Zayn waved a hand up and down his body. “Are you fucking serious right now Lou? Harry Potter, really???”

He looked down at himself, and gave them a wicked grin. “What? It was Harry’s idea,”

Harry jumped to his feet, his face twister in horror. “I said sorcerer, I did _not_ say Harry Potter.”

Louis checked his profile out in the mirror once more before grabbing a prop wand and making his way over to the door. He stopped in front of Harry and pulled him down for a hard kiss. He let him go, his voice dropping to a whisper. “ _I’m a wizard Harry._ ”

He quickly scuttled down the hall with Zayn shouting after him. “I heard that terrible pun, you idiot!”

Zayn looked at Harry pointedly. “What about now, are you still sure about him?"

Harry groaned, shuffling out the door after Louis. “He is certifiably insane…we better go see this in action.”

*

They stood back by the bar, cocking their heads back and forth as Louis shimmed around on stage. Nick pulled up next to them, pointing a finger at him. “Well, this is something,”

Harry’s shoulders sagged sadly. “I don’t think I’m ever going to look at those movies the same way.”

Nick sucked back the rest of his drink, holding it up to the bartender to signal for another. “As strange as it may be, the ladies seem to like it for some reason. Our Louis is sometimes a genius, isn’t he." 

Zayn thumbed at Harry. “Actually, it was this one’s idea,”

Nick gave him a look of surprise that Harry shook his head at. “I really didn’t. I cannot stress that enough.”

Nick grabbed his fresh drink and took a long sip, ending with a smack of the lips. “Whatever you did, bravo.” He nodded towards Zayn and Liam. “You two ready to follow this mess up? What have we got on the agenda tonight boys?”

Liam worried his teeth on his bottom lip, sneaking a look at Louis again. “I don’t know how anyone can top this, but I was thinking…maybe Zayn and I could do something together? I’ve got this Usher song in mind and…”

Zayn cut him off immediately. “Yes.”

Nick rolled his eyes, which only Harry seemed to catch, looking down at his feet with a grin on his lips. He passed them all shots that the bartender slid over, raising a his glass in a cheers. “Bring on the sexy, let’s make it rain in here.”

*

Liam doesn’t know why he suggested that they dance together, because if he thought Zayn giving him those fuck me eyes on a regular day, this was ten times worth. There were points during their dance where he looked like he wanted to fucking devour Liam, and by the end of the routine he was sweating for more than one reason. And he couldn’t take it anymore.

He silently followed Zayn into the back room, cornering him as soon as they were far enough into the room. He backed into him a wall, Zayn’s eyes wide with confusion. “What…”

Liam closed him in, his arms bracketed on either side of his shoulders. His breaths were coming out heavy, his chest flushed and damp with sweat. “You can’t just fucking _look_ at me like that, Zayn.”

Zayn started to say ‘like what’, but Liam surged forward, crashing their lips together. He felt Zayn gasp into his mouth, wasting no time wrapping his tongue around Liam’s. Their hands were everywhere, Liam ruining the perfect quiff that Zayn had painstakingly created earlier. He hitched his hands under his thighs, pressing him further into the wall. They both broke apart at the same time, panting and searching each other’s eyes, pupils fully blown. Zayn spoke first, voice ragged with lust.

“We need to go to my place right fucking now.”

Liam just nodded in a daze while Zayn stroked his hands ups and down his arms. “And we need to make use of these biceps. Preferably in a shower,”

Liam attached his lips to Zayn’s once more, kissing his way up to his ear. “There’s a shower here.”

….

And later on that night in a different shower as Louis gave Harry his second orgasm of the night, staring up at him through wet lashes, his lips obscenely wrapped around him as he clutched his hands in his hair, Harry thought maybe Louis _was_ magic. 


	4. Chapter 4

Before Louis could even realize it, weeks had passed and he was exclusively hanging out with Harry. This was new for Louis. To put it aptly, Louis didn’t do one guy at a time, there was usually a constant string of them in his life. A different dick every night if you will. He wasn’t like Zayn, who was immediately smitten with Liam, even more so now that they had finally gotten the sexual tension out of the way. They were practically attached at the hip, both in and outside of work. Louis wouldn’t say that he and Harry were at that point yet, but it was getting eerily close and Louis wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Louis wasn’t even sure what the hell Harry was still doing with him either, he was much too sweet to be hanging around with the likes of their crew, yet he stayed. He hung out at the club when Louis asked him to, went shopping with Louis when he was in desperate need for a patriotic thong – hey he had to honor his country somehow, and this was the best way possible he figured – made Louis breakfast in bed multiple times, delicious breakfast at that, he even served him pretty delicious blow jobs as well. He was basically fucking perfect. So why was Louis feeling like his skin felt too tight, like everything around him was suffocating him?

He rubbed at his eyes. This was way too much to wrap his head around right now. He sat on the couch in the back room watching Zayn and Liam fawn all over each other in the mirror, Liam sculpting Zayn’s hair just the way he liked it all while giving each other shy, flirty smiles. Louis frowned and looked away. He needed something to take the edge off.

“Hey Zayn, you have any pick me ups on you?”

Zayn cocked an eyebrow at him. “What, do you miss Harry or something? You lonely today, Lou?”

Louis shot him a sour look. “Look, do you have anything or not,” he snapped at him.

He caught Liam’s look of surprise in the mirror, while Zayn gave him the finger, tossing his wallet over. “Jesus, chill the fuck out man, it was a joke.”

Louis fumbled with the wallet and held it open, dumping a couple of pills unceremoniously into his hand. He tossed them back, washing them down with a swig from a half drank vodka bottle that conveniently sat on the table next to him. He eased back into the couch and waited for the drug to settle into his system.

Zayn walked over and crouched at the side of the couch, resting his chin on the arm. “You sure you’re alright?”

Louis turned his head slightly to give him a reassuring smile. “I will be in about twenty minutes.”

Turned out it was less than that though, Louis certainly feeling good enough to flit about it in his newly acquired get up, admiring the British flag that was gracing the back of his little briefs. Zayn and Liam were watching him with questioning eyes as he pulled a colourful jacket on. Liam rubbed his chin in thought, trying to once again figure Louis out.

“What is this get up now, Lou?”

Louis looked at them both like they were daft. “The Beatles, I mean I thought the jacket would be a dead giveaway. Are you sure you two are actually British?”

“And here we thought nothing could top the Harry Potter routine,”

Louis remained unfazed as he started his nightly bronzing ritual. “I’ll have you know that Come Together is like the perfect song to strip to.”

And amused smile spread across Zayn’s face. “Why do I feel like you’ve been practicing to that song since you were a kid,”

Louis brought up a leg, massaging the lotion into his thighs. He wished someone else was doing it for him, because now he was horny, every inch of his skin feeling tingly. Great, now he needed something else to take a different edge off. He would have to put that thought aside for now though. He glanced up at Zayn with a grin. “Let’s just say there are some boys that will forever think of that song fondly.”

He noticed Nick approaching the room, a tall figure trailing behind him. He straightened up, drinking in the new comer. Well, well. Maybe _this_ was the edge that Louis was looking for. He crossed his arms and plastered on a saucy little smile. “Oh you really shouldn’t have Nick; my birthday isn’t for months yet,”

Nick and Zayn having known Louis for many years knew exactly what he was referring to, Nick with an ‘I should have known’ look on his face, Zayn with a disapproving thin lipped ‘Seriously Lou’ look, and poor Liam just looked lost. “I don’t get it.”

Nick curled an arm around the new comer, gesturing at them with a nod. “This is my mate Greg; he’s in town for a visit. Greg these are my misfits, and beware the little pixie on the left, he’s a handful.”

Louis slowly took Greg in from head to toe before meeting his eyes, sending him what he hopes was a clear. ‘I would like nothing more than to touch you inappropriately’ message. “Oh I’m more than a handful. And I’m not just talking about my personality.”

Nick clapped Greg on the back, who already seemed like he was under Louis’ spell. “See what I mean? Good luck with that.” He snapped his fingers at Louis’ to get his attention back. “Louis, get your mind out of the gutter and that fabulous arse on stage, you’re up next.”

Louis spun into action, quickly buttoning up his shirt and pulling on his trousers,  when he felt a hand clench into his shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing, Lou,” Zayn hissed into his ear.

He tried to shrug him off. “My job, what does it look like.”

Zayn tugged him harder so that his back was flush against his chest, his lips pressed on Louis’ ear. “Don’t be an arsehole, you know what I’m talking about. What about Harry?”

“What about him? We aren’t exclusive, if I want to fuck this bloke, I’m going to. Simple as that.”

Zayn briefly met his eyes in the mirror and they were filled with disappointment. “Whatever, be a fucking prick then. Sorry I thought you actually had your shit together for once. Harry’s a good kid man, not sure why you’d want to pass that up. But you know, fuck whoever you want. I don’t care anymore."

Louis stepped around him, patting his shoulder. “Thanks. I will.” He steadfastly ignored Liam on the way out, only stopping to walk his fingers up Greg’s arm, arching his body up to his ear. “Meet me at the bar when I’m done. I’ll take you to the most exciting spot in this town.”

*

Louis was still delectably numb when they left the club, his mind cloudy and distorted, which was just the way he wanted it. He watched Greg in the cab, noting how his eyes roamed Louis’ body, his fingers twitching where the rested on the seat, his tongue frequently wetting his bottom lip. Louis leaned his head against the back of the seat and took in a deep, shaky breath. This was what he wanted. An easy fuck, no strings attached, with a person he wouldn’t have to see again. He wanted this. He was sure of it.

Louis’ hand shook as he eased the key into his door, feeling Greg’s hot breath puffing out against his neck, his hands settled lightly on Louis’ hips. He didn’t waste a second once they were inside, spinning Louis around and attacking his lips, walking them backwards into the living room off to the side of Louis’ entrance way. Louis was fighting for dominance but barely making any headway seeing as he had to stand on the very tips of his toes to reach his lips. They found their way to the couch, and he pulled Louis’ down into his lap, hands tugging at the hem of his t shirt.

Louis whipped it over his head and tossed it aside, closing his eyes when Greg sucked into the tattoo on his chest, his hands massaging into Louis’ arse. “God this thing should be illegal,” he mumbled against his chest. Louis’ turned his head to the side and opened his eyes, steadily trying to focus them. He absently glanced at his coffee table and was about to move his attention back to Greg when the shiny glint of something lying on the table caught his eye. He squinted at it and sucked in a sharp breath. It was a necklace. One of _Harry’s_ necklaces. Louis felt a shiver creep down his spine.

He started to panic inwardly. What the fuck was he doing? Suddenly, the fog in his mind was cleared. He pushed at Greg’s chest and scrambled to his feet, launching over to the table to grab Harry’s necklace, clutching it desperately in his hands as he paced back and forth. “I can’t do this,” He peered at Greg sheepishly. “I’m um…kind of with somebody?”

Greg blew out a breath, dragging a hand through his hair. “Oh shit, sorry. I didn’t know,”

Louis had to laugh at that. “Not sure why you’re apologizing, this is kind of my problem here. And yeah…I guess I didn’t really know either.”

Greg eased up to his feet giving him a lop sided smile. “Glad I could help you figure it out then...Nick was right. You are a bit of a handful.” He looked at him for another minute before nodding, mostly to himself. “Right, I should probably go.”

Louis followed him to the door offering him another meek. “I’m sorry.” He leaned his forehead against the door once it closed. Well that was wonderfully awkward he thought to himself. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, but he figured it was long enough for him to yank it back open and high tail it out to the corner of his street to flag down a cab.

He sat in the back and watched as the streets blurred by him, when he remembered that someone else needed to know that he figured out what a fucking prat he was too. He pulled out his phone, tapping out a message to Zayn.

-          yes, I know I am a twat and yes you have every right to be pissed at me. just wanted to let you know I didn’t sleep with him. i’m on my way to Harry’s now xx

It didn’t take long to hear back from him, Louis imagined that he was probably waiting for Louis to come to his senses.

-          I did have an inkling of faith in you. good thing, because Liam was ready to punch you in that big fat head of yours aha xx

Louis snorted at the image of Liam hulking out, ready to defend Harry’s honur.  He didn’t need to be there to know that Zayn was most likely swooning over this as well. He pocketed his phone, and rubbed at his head distractedly, glad that it was safe from Liam’s fist.

*

He stood on Harry’s doorstep impatiently knocking on the door, not letting up until Harry’s pulled it open, his face full of annoyance that soon melted away once he saw it was Louis. “Louis…are you alright? Why are you practically breaking down my door?”

Louis barged past him (why was he always barging into Harry’s place?) and waited for Harry to shut the door. He leaned against it looking ready for Louis to speak, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans.

Louis blinked up at him, swallowing a few times. “I almost slept with someone tonight,” he blurted out.

He watched as Harry’s face visibly fell and immediately felt sick to his stomach. “Oh…okay…I get it…” He shifted back and forth on his feet, looking anywhere but Louis.

Louis inched closer to him; reaching up to move his cheek so he could meet his eyes. “No, you don’t get it. I was just being a fucking idiot and well, he wasn’t you.”

Harry just watched him curiously, pulling his bottom lip into his teeth, a nervous habit of his which shouldn’t have been sexy, but it was, and really when Louis thought about it, what wasn’t sexy about this lovely, charming person in front of him? He ran his hands up and down Harry’s arms, sliding them up into the curls at the back of his neck. “I’m beginning to think you’re the witch here, Harry. You’re magically making me change my evil ways.”

His lips twitched a bit, his cheeks flushing slightly. “So, you and I…we’re still…we’re still…” Harry couldn’t seem to find the right words.

Louis found them for him. “We are definitely still. In fact, Harry Styles, would you do me the great pleasure of being my boyfriend?”

His face instantly brightened. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah I mean, who wouldn’t want to tell everyone they know that they’re dating a stripper. You should feel very special, Harry.”

Harry looked at him skeptically. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not,”

Louis jabbed a finger into his side. “I’m being completely serious. But, if you don’t feel comfortable telling your friends and family about my profession, you can always tell them I was a model for Topman. I mean I do, so you know.”

Harry leaned his forehead down against his, his shoulders shaking with laughter. “Such a lunatic.”

Louis nodded solemnly. “You may as well get used to it,”

Harry hummed in response. He stood back up, his eyes darkened and serious. “I think someone needs to be punished for their behavior tonight. It’s only fair, I think.”

Louis drew his hand to his chest in shock. “Have I corrupted you already?”

“Hmm, not nearly enough.”

Louis took two steps towards him, plastering himself against Harry, pulling at his neck to bring his mouth down to meet his own. “You are already my favorite boyfriend.”

Harry laughed into his mouth. “That’s because I’m probably the first.”

Louis tugged his lips between his teeth, a mumbled ‘shut up’ lost in their kiss. He curled into Harry’s warmth, letting his arm roam over his body, feeling every muscle, every trace of skin, every inch that his soft tongue was trying to reach and Louis figured he could do this.

He would be a stripper with a heart of gold.

To match his tan.

Naturally.

 

 

FIN

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to keep this fic short and sexy and sweet and I hope you liked it!! And hey, come chat on tumblr if you like, I promise I don't bite, I am also stylesforstiles there :)
> 
> XOXO


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